So…

I apologize for disabling comments but I could not keep up with the moderation of them all. Also, I am glad to see this page still being cited for cure cheats and my VV solo. That’s kinda cool I guess. What I am gonna post below is likely going to seem like a rant from someone who is raving mad, but you should try to go into this with an open mind. My main motivation in doing most things in my life has been my career path; Psychology. I’m even in school for my Master’s in Psychology and while my methods might be questionable, they are never unethical. Anyway…

It’s been a cool seven months or so. A few people from Karasu have kept in touch with me and I’ve kept in touch with two or three myself (yea, there’s a difference). I can’t say I’ve ever looked back at my career within FFXI and not broken a smile or some such, but some of the decisions I made while playing were less than stellar. The cut right to it, I knew cheating was wrong and I didn’t care. I had plenty of conversations with people about it and we all knew the possible outcome of being caught. As an aside, it should be noted that I have a very addictive personality; it’s gotten the best of me before. Back on track now–getting caught was something I very much pined for. I knew exactly how people would react about the whole thing, especially toward me. I was the leader of a very successful linkshell and constantly under the watchful eyes of people on the outside. People outside the linkshell hung on my words as much as those within it, perhaps even more so. Fact is, regardless of what people think of me (hate or love), I am who I am. I never tried to deter from anyone’s gameplay in FFXI and I certainly was fair to my members. The problem with trying to play the highest good in the world is you can’t make any mistakes. What better way to go down than be seen as a liar, a cheat, and a manipulator? I had never played those roles before in my entire life and FFXI was just the right forum to give it a try.

But I am not here to apologize for all that or try to convince you that I knew my ban was coming. I just wanted to poke my head around here since I know some people still check here every now and again for whatever reason. I feel no shame nor will I ever for what I “did”. We are all humans and I will not make any bold claims that “hey if you had known about it, you would have done it too”, because that’s so ridiculously over-assuming and that’s just not my style. Those of you who had the misfortune of getting to know me, know how I really am. I am honest, caring, and by some subjective measure, a good person. I also like to deceive people, to test their trust amongst other reasons. I have my ways about me and they are certainly not the most direct ways to get the information I want, but it has never failed me, and my success (take that as you wish) can be attributed to those very ways.

I also think the best way to draw attention to oneself is to be the very way people do not expect you to be. IRL I am nothing like I was in the game. I don’t care about politics, but I understand why it exists and how to manipulate words to get my way. I don’t care about social norms, but I pretend to care every time I go on a job interview. I don’t care about everyday worries because I know they exist and fretting over them doesn’t accomplish jackshit. But all this isn’t to say I wanted attention, but I certainly needed it from my members in order to make the changes that I did within Karasu. I took all the above things into account when I did this and I had a pretty good time doing what I did, even with all the arguments.

On the topic of arguments, it should be noted that less than 10% of the arguments I engaged in on Karasu forums or BG were even genuine. Arguing can be a good way to understand the depth of someone’s passion. It can also be a great tool in dissecting someone’s conscious stream of thoughts. In these arguments, mock or otherwise, I was able to gain a greater understanding of my opposition both inside and outside the linkshell, and even across servers. I was never truly upset with anyone over all the years, even though they may have been led to believe that. Do I owe you an apology? No, most certainly not, and you’re not going to get one. Just laugh it off. It’s not everyday you get had like that.

Concerning public forums and my activity: I like browsing BG, and sometimes KI, every couple of days. I like to keep up on the FFXI news. But don’t go thinking that because someone lurks a forum or two that that’s all they lurk. A lot of people have this misconception about the majority of people who were banned and did not come back. It’s quite narrow-minded. Of course, most people absolutely think this way, and it’s because they’re stupid. There’s no other answer for it other than they think they’re right about everything. The world is a really crazy place, and having really been in it for the better part of four years now, I must say that I am not the same person I was in college. Many would do well to consider the truth behind these words as, in my opinion, they are incredibly universal.

Now that I’ve taken some time to explain myself, while watching Robin Hood: Men in Tights no less, I feel great. Several people have expressed an interest in rejoining up with me on FFXIV, but to be honest, I don’t know what my plans are for the game. I know that I have been distant in responding to all of you and it’s because I don’t want to tell you a lie in the form of a promise I am not certain I can keep right now. I am still torn about playing versus not playing, and if I do play, do I want to join up with an elite group from the start or build my own group from the ground-up. I just don’t know and until I have some time to analyze the way to game plays (upon launch + several weeks thereafter), I won’t have an answer. One thing that won’t change though is that regardless of how I play, I will always try to be the best, and by extension that means I won’t play with noobs.

In case anyone wants to get in touch with me after all this time, my contact information is below. I know I am very secretive about all that as I have private lists and never publicly displayed this stuff until recently, so just e-mail me first if you’d like me to add you.

email: greyenvy@optonline.net

MSN: greyenvy@optonline.net

AIM: greyenvy

See you around all! Toodles~